Insight

So, I learned something about myself this past week that I am not sure I am proud of.  I have a bit of the green eyed monster lurking inside me.  Now, I realize that most of us experience feelings of jealousy as a regular course of any relationship but mine reared it's head in a moment that I am not proud of.  After his mother's funeral Paul was telling me about the service and telling me about all the fantastic friends that attended and were able to stay for the luncheon afterwards.  I was so happy for him that he had the support network that was obviously needed at such a difficult time.  Then he mentioned a certain neighbor of his in L.A. that made it to the services.  Now, I have never met this woman and I am pretty sure she doesn't even know I exist, but I have hated her for a long time.  (Okay, so maybe hate is not the right word but I do tend to lean towards the dramatic.)  What is my problem??  This day had absolutely nothing to do with me and yet here I found a way to make it about me.  I found a way to quickly get out the conversation and spent the rest of the evening alternating between hating myself and hating Neighbor.  I am a head case!!!

Now, here is the reason why Paul is one of the best friends I have ever had.  He knows that when I stop talking I am upset about something.  It shouldn't be that big of a mystery considering I never stop talking but NOBODY in my life has every figured (or acknowledge) this out before.  He was able to get me out of my head.  I still feel a little guilty about this but as I acknowledged in my last post I am determined to move on.  I am going live in the moment.  Yes, I had this moment of insecurity...will I have another...undoubtedly(maybe right now) but worrying is not going to fix them.  I am not suggesting that I ignore my feelings but, seriously, my life is good.  I am happy.  There is no reason for my insane jealousy.  And if there is...worrying wont fix it.  I will face all challenges head on but I wont give them room to grow!!