Love Advice Needed!!

How do you tell someone you love them and have them receive it in the spirit intended? Is it selfish of me to want to express my feelings? I have never been good at this sort of thing. I grew up in a family where love wasn’t and still isn’t freely expressed verbally. When my sister had Sophia I made a conscious choice to tell her often how much I love her and it has become second nature. That being said I have never said the words “I love you” out loud to an unrelated person of the opposite sex. I have actually been in love before but the fear of rejection has always held me back. No more! In the spirit of living my life and not just getting through I want to embrace my feelings.

Therein lies the dilemma. Is it selfish to want to tell someone how I feel? I have heard some say that it is compliment or some other nonsense to be loved. Is this a true statement? I have also heard others say it freaked them out when finding out someone was in love with them. I want to be able to feel like I am being honest in my relationships without coming across as a stalker. Even as I write that I realize it sounds ridiculous. It is not exactly as if the person I am in love with is some celebrity type who has never even heard my name. He is a flesh and blood person and while I am pretty sure he already has a firm grasp on how I feel I want to make my feelings 100% clear. I want there to be no mistake on how I feel or what I want. At the same time I don’t want to lose him in my life. He has been the best friend I could as for over the last couple of years and part of me does not want to risk that friendship.

I suppose if he reads this post I may not need any feedback on this topic for this particular occasion but I want your thoughts anyways. Please, dear friends, help me!! When is it appropriate to express your feelings of love and is it okay to risk a friendship to see if it could develop into something more? Remember as you make your comments that this isn’t Hollywood, this is my life and while a “happily ever after” wouldn’t be frowned upon I just want some honest feedback.

On that note, I love you!!!

Update

So, I just wanted to assure everyone that my crabbiness did not lead to an arrest the other day. Good news because I am far to pretty for prison! :)

Antonio turned out to be a total Nigerian scammer. I am pretty proud of myself though. I traced his IP address to Nigeria and turned the tables on him. I told him that while I did think that yes, God did mean for us to be together I found out I was pregnant by my ex boyfriend and we thought it best for the baby to get married. This threw his whole plan into hyperdrive and he immediately asked me for $3o00 to get some shipment threw customs (are women really that stupid?). I have ignored him ever since I told him we were headed to Vegas to get married and after only a few more feeble attempts to get money he has left me alone. Lesson learned! No good relationship can possibly come from the internet. I do know that there are marriages that have started online but they have to be the exception.

Moral of this post? I am still single and still crabby! Heaven help us all.

Life Lesson

I learned a little something about myself today. I am way too old to be pulling all nighters!!! The lame part about last nights experiment is that it happened merely by chance and not because I was doing anything spectacular. I started out watching a cheesy BBC period romance (and of course crying) and from there it was all down hill. I did not get a single minute of sleep last night and boy does it show. I am super CRABBY!!! Today would not be the day to mess with me. Shoot, it wouldn't even really be the day to look at me. Demon, as I fondly refer to the child I babysit, elbowed me in the eye this morning and it is rapidly swelling. When it rains it pours I suppose.

I remember the carefree days of college where all nighters were capped by a sense of euphoria and accomplishment. Now I just want to punch someone in the face. Stay tuned to see if I am arrested for assault.

Sunday

Not much going on in my life. I am still woefully unemployed but thanks to President Obama I will once again be receiving unemployment benefits. From a political stand point this drives me insane. Our country is in so much debt I don't think we ever see the end but from a personal stand point this is a huge blessing. I never thought I would be unemployed for 14 months. Lest anyone think I am not looking for a job I should say I have applied for anything and everything out there. I am either "over-qualified" or 1 of over 100 applicants for the jobs in my field. INSANE!!!

On another note, approximately 1 year ago I decided to use all my free time to explore my personal life. I signed up for a 6 month membership to eHarmony and thought I would give the world of online dating a try. What a joke! The only guys that showed any interest in me were con artists from Nigeria. I so wish I was joking right now but I am so not! What is it about me? So when my membership expired I let it. Eharmony knows how to do business though and they keep sending me matched. Jerks!!! Well, just this weekend I have started talking to a seemingly nice guy from Italy. I say seemingly because I am waiting for his creepiness to come out. What can I say? I am a little skeptical of this whole online thing. In the meantime, bring it on Antonio. You seem like a nice guy. :)

Sweet Sophia!

So, my mother, Sophia and I were in the car a
couple of days ago and out of the clear blue sky Sophia informed me that "Boys don't marry Aunts." I tried to reason with her that Uncle Jens married Aunt Abbey but she informed me that didn't count. Awesome. Where was this kid about a decade ago when everyone started seriously asking me when I was going to be getting married? If I had known then that the answer was never that maybe I would have a firmer grasp on that fact now.

I realize that this kid, who sadly is my best friend at the moment, just doesn't want to lose me but hearing the words kinda hurts. Don't think for a minute that the words haven't entered my own head a time or two in the last decade or so but to have independent confirmation...well that just sucks!!!

Don't get me wrong, as a general rule I am content with my single life but just once I would love to hear someone who wasn't related to me tell me that they love me. In fact, in my younger years I would try and bargain with God. I would explain to him that I understood that it wasn't my lot in life to be a wife and a mother but if I could just fall in love and have someone love me back I would be content. As I have gotten older I am pretty darn sure that would hurt worse than never experiencing it in the first place. Turns out I want a wedding. I want a family and if that is not to be lot in life as Sophia predicts then I suppose it's high time I start getting over it.

Stupid decisions!

I swear I am the queen of stupid decisions! I have an innate ability to fall hard for men who have no interest in me. The best part is they seem to consider me a buddy and almost string me along just in case something better doesn't come along. The thing is, I totally let them. Do I not think I am worth better than that? Well guess what, I am!!! I really want a man who is gonna chase me. One who thinks I am worth going to a lot of effort to keep my love. Is that too much to ask? It's funny because for a long time this is what I have wanted but time after time I let myself be taken advantage of. I refuse to be walked on anymore. I will not accept being someone's second choice!!!

Interviewing

Okay, so I am finally interviewing for positions that I would like to have. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks I will join the ranks of the employed. I have a feeling it is going to be hard getting back into the swing of things.