Sweet Sophia!

So, my mother, Sophia and I were in the car a
couple of days ago and out of the clear blue sky Sophia informed me that "Boys don't marry Aunts." I tried to reason with her that Uncle Jens married Aunt Abbey but she informed me that didn't count. Awesome. Where was this kid about a decade ago when everyone started seriously asking me when I was going to be getting married? If I had known then that the answer was never that maybe I would have a firmer grasp on that fact now.

I realize that this kid, who sadly is my best friend at the moment, just doesn't want to lose me but hearing the words kinda hurts. Don't think for a minute that the words haven't entered my own head a time or two in the last decade or so but to have independent confirmation...well that just sucks!!!

Don't get me wrong, as a general rule I am content with my single life but just once I would love to hear someone who wasn't related to me tell me that they love me. In fact, in my younger years I would try and bargain with God. I would explain to him that I understood that it wasn't my lot in life to be a wife and a mother but if I could just fall in love and have someone love me back I would be content. As I have gotten older I am pretty darn sure that would hurt worse than never experiencing it in the first place. Turns out I want a wedding. I want a family and if that is not to be lot in life as Sophia predicts then I suppose it's high time I start getting over it.

Stupid decisions!

I swear I am the queen of stupid decisions! I have an innate ability to fall hard for men who have no interest in me. The best part is they seem to consider me a buddy and almost string me along just in case something better doesn't come along. The thing is, I totally let them. Do I not think I am worth better than that? Well guess what, I am!!! I really want a man who is gonna chase me. One who thinks I am worth going to a lot of effort to keep my love. Is that too much to ask? It's funny because for a long time this is what I have wanted but time after time I let myself be taken advantage of. I refuse to be walked on anymore. I will not accept being someone's second choice!!!

Interviewing

Okay, so I am finally interviewing for positions that I would like to have. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks I will join the ranks of the employed. I have a feeling it is going to be hard getting back into the swing of things.

Babysitting hell!

First let me say that I am more impressed every day with people who have all these great ideas for home and family that they blog about on a daily basis. I will admit that I am a little selfish and my blog is purely for my own purposes. I find it theraputic to put all of my "stuff" out there.

Unemployment has certainly had it's benefits over the last 10 months. I have traveled to Europe, spent lazy summer days at the swimming pool, and am now enjoying non stop coverage of NCAA March Madness but there is an unexpected ugly side. I feel compelled to take every little babysitting job that presents itself. These have generally been my for my siblings and even one former co-worker and have usually ran smoothly. Now I have myself in a real mess. I am watching a 2 year old terror!!! The worst part is I feel like a complete jerk for writing that this kid is evil. AAAAAGH!!!

Frustration!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I realize this means little to you dear reader but this is my third attempt at leaving this post. First time out I wrote a very witty post about bootcamp and old age (trust me it was excellent) and it was deleted without warning by my overactive fingers on this laptop keyboard.

So here goes again...I love bootcamp. My body not so much but intellectually I know it is a good thing. I have already lost 5 pounds and more importantly I feel really good about myself. I have learned that at 33 years of age I can no longer do the crab walk. I thought my upper body strength was above average but just kidding!

Boot Camp

Okay, I gave myself my birthday present today. I know it is a few days early but I was afraid if I didn't act today I might chicken out. I signed up for my gym's 6 week boot camp. Scary!!!! The trainers that are running it said that I will be puking and crying at the end of every session. Awesome! They begin Feb. 13th so I will keep you updated. My weight loss goal for this boot camp is 20lbs. We will see.

In other news I have had the opportunity this month of watching my nephews Russell and Griffen and they have both been so much fun. Griffen is 8 months old and an adorable little guy. Russell is 7 and in first grade. He is getting to be a great reader and enjoys reading books with me. A boy after my own heart.

Groundhog Day is a comin!

My birthday is exactly one week away. I am pretty sure that by the time you are my age you are not suppose to look forward to your birthday but every year I do. I LOVE my birthday and the reasons are not clear. I have a picture in my head of the perfect birthday and believe it or not that perfection has yet to be achieved. That is mostly my own fault because the expectations are way too high. Every year is a major disappointment but this year I vow to make it different. I am throwing myself a birthday party this year and doing exactly what I want. I am in control of my own destiny! Happy Birthday to me!!!

The weight loss journey has been rough. I have been going through some serious medical issues so the motivation to be healthy has just not been there. It was finally determined that I do not have cancer so it is time to stop feeling sorry for myself and literally get off the sofa. I realized with in the last week that if I did have cancer I had not done anything over the last 32 years to prevent it. Never again! It is time to start realizing that every decision that I make effects my life in the long term. Last week I joined a gym and met with a trainer! Scary!!! We came up with a plan and now I have someone who is in my corner rooting for me. Mike (the trainer) wants me to succeed and most importantly he knows I can. My whole body hurts and I feel like an old lady but I am confident that good things are going to happen.

FYI, I am still unemployed and while it has been nice to be able to do the things that I would like to when I want to I am ready to get back to work. I am in the healthiest emotional state that I have ever been in and I am ready to move forward with my life.