Saturday, June 26, 2010

Sweet Sophia!

So, my mother, Sophia and I were in the car a
couple of days ago and out of the clear blue sky Sophia informed me that "Boys don't marry Aunts." I tried to reason with her that Uncle Jens married Aunt Abbey but she informed me that didn't count. Awesome. Where was this kid about a decade ago when everyone started seriously asking me when I was going to be getting married? If I had known then that the answer was never that maybe I would have a firmer grasp on that fact now.

I realize that this kid, who sadly is my best friend at the moment, just doesn't want to lose me but hearing the words kinda hurts. Don't think for a minute that the words haven't entered my own head a time or two in the last decade or so but to have independent confirmation...well that just sucks!!!

Don't get me wrong, as a general rule I am content with my single life but just once I would love to hear someone who wasn't related to me tell me that they love me. In fact, in my younger years I would try and bargain with God. I would explain to him that I understood that it wasn't my lot in life to be a wife and a mother but if I could just fall in love and have someone love me back I would be content. As I have gotten older I am pretty darn sure that would hurt worse than never experiencing it in the first place. Turns out I want a wedding. I want a family and if that is not to be lot in life as Sophia predicts then I suppose it's high time I start getting over it.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Stupid decisions!

I swear I am the queen of stupid decisions! I have an innate ability to fall hard for men who have no interest in me. The best part is they seem to consider me a buddy and almost string me along just in case something better doesn't come along. The thing is, I totally let them. Do I not think I am worth better than that? Well guess what, I am!!! I really want a man who is gonna chase me. One who thinks I am worth going to a lot of effort to keep my love. Is that too much to ask? It's funny because for a long time this is what I have wanted but time after time I let myself be taken advantage of. I refuse to be walked on anymore. I will not accept being someone's second choice!!!